How fab to be back in the land of Oz! Within one month I secured a great position; and within the last six months have reconnected with a bunch of friends; started working on TBS again with my co-collaborator: Pete Marshall; have been to more concerts, plays, restaurants, pubs, parties, movies and sporting events than in my last five years in the States combined. I live in a great area of Brisbane, close to the city and have repaid most of my debt. Life is good. Life is fantastic!
Most importantly I feel like the old me has returned, I walk with a spring in my step and I live my life with a sense of purpose.
Every waking hour I look forward to seeing my Reason again. I speak with my eldest twice a day on Skype but my Aspergers Reason doesn’t relate to Skype at all, so I hardly ever get to speak with him. I will be able to afford to fly my Reason (and a chaperone) to visit me three times a year, their first visit will be in March/April, only a few weeks away. I am planning lots of things for them to do while they’re here – visits to SeaWorld and Warner Brothers MovieWorld and Wet’n’Wild theme parks and I’ll begin to teach them how to surf and fish and will take them to their first Rugby League game.
It’s all very exciting – for them and me.
But nothing will replace seeing them every day, being an integral part of their lives, being their full-time dad.
I feel good about returning, no, I feel great about it, it was the right thing to do. But what will take away the guilt of not being there for them?
What can possibly fill the void of them?