God I hate this – but Im going to be true to myself – Im going to keep all my promises. Especially those Ive made to myself. This is a no-holds barred uncensored biog/ journal/ blog thingy . I think Jess will read this and for once I hope she doesn’t – it’ll all be taken the wrong way…its my luck. But this is how I’m feeling …so here it is
I’ve had a day of excitement and disappointment in turns. I was very happy to reconnect with Jess (albeit in the most elemental way) I bought a beautiful, beautiful bag Jess had made and was selling through her business, it had been a number of weeks and I hadn’t received it so I sent a poorly thought out, brusquely worded email to her company asking what the delay might be. Her email reply was maybe five or six hope-filled sentences. Well, I say hope. Hope from my perspective at least. Turns out I was wrong.
I long to ask her about a thousand questions and imagine a communication that goes something like this –
“Hey you! How is your business going? What made you start it? Who’s your business partner? How did you meet? When did this all come about? Are you happy with its progress? Nervous? Excited by all accounts I’m reading in your blog. Its fantastic! You must be tired?! Starting a business is hard work!
How are the girls? Are they happy at school? Are both the girls spending more time with (ex-husband #2)? I kinda hope so, they need a consistent guy around. I know he loves them.
It must have been great for you to become close again with old friends! I think you missed them more than you knew. Are you getting out more now? I hope so.I don’t want to ask too much of you yet – but it’d be cool if we could all be friends?!
Is your hair still long? Did you end up getting that “misery†tattoo you wanted? I’m getting one too you know… No…. Seriously.
What happened with your last /second-last job? It’s been so long.
How big are the girls now? They must have grown a lot! The boys have. By the way, did the clothes I sent fit the girls? What are the ladies into now? Do they still sing a lot? or dress up? Still princesses?
There’s so much I want to tell you about the boys.
Did you get to swim/ sunbake much this summer? I know you love it! Or maybe fish/camp with the girls and (significant other)?
Did you have to move too many times after leaving your dads place? How’s your family? Your sisters and brother? And your mum and dad of course.
So many boy’s stories to tell you! And stuff about my parents.
You seem so happy doing something you are passionate about – I’m very envious – hold the course!
How is your new relationship? Good, I hope. I kinda sorta tried to start one… but it didn’t work out too well… she’s moving to Colorado. You stayed North, she’s going to Colorado… there’s a pattern here… they’re running further and further away… Im working on scaring the next one to Greenland! (Insert howls of shared laughter here).
Did you finally give up smoking? I did …then relapsed… figures huh? I went on the coolest vacation, I have to tell you about it! Did you get to go to Disneyland? Have you been anywhere exciting?
WOW I forgot! Are you still going to school?? What course are you doing?
I’m thinking of starting another business too – I’m confident it will do well – keep your fingers crossed for me! I’m still hopeful of opening a coffee shop one day too… I’ll make it Fair Trade I promise! Might call it “wankers†… *smiling *. Is your coffee machine still working? Still on the vanilla breves? At 130 right?
So, (youngest girl) is in grade 2 now? Oh wow. We miss them… we miss you all. Very much.
So where do you shop for clothes now? Or do you make all your own clothes?
You happy where you’re living? I’ll be moving soon …don’t know where to yet.
(My ex-wife) still gives me grief … I’ve tried hard to re-connect with her and J and S – but no hope there I’m afraid. You should see J and S , J is a man, and S is a beautiful young woman. At least I get to see them sometimes.
I was hitting the gym really hard until the leg thing happened – Hey, I haven’t told you about my leg! I ruptured my other achilles! Can you believe that shit ?
……….. Hey, no worries! Of course. Its all good….. Great talking with you!… hope we can all catch up… we’d love to see you guys! I’ll give you a call in the next week or two.…………..….?
……………Ok?
………….. GREAT!! …….Take care.
…….Ciao……
HEY!!….. Keep driving that business! ”
It didn’t exactly pan out that way … but it could.
Can’t wait to have that conversation.
If you’re reading this I’d appreciate it if you’d send major good vibes this way – towards this, my hope – its a big one.
Late additions –
Oh shit fuckety fuck fuck Fuck Fuck FUCK…here comes the great big mother bleeding heart me.
Corinne Bailey Rae – I’d Do it All Again
Yeah I know… I know… Ive already used this in another posting . I dont care . Its my blog, and besides its special.
Nina deserves the last word.
Nina Simone – Here Comes the Sun
