The past ten months has been a particularly challenging time for me. In that time three remarkable women have made a significant and lasting impact in my life . In this three part post I hope to pay a worthy tribute to them and offer them my sincere and heartfelt thanks.
The Story of Kory
I met Kory while making coffee at Burning Man. She was the choreographer of our shifts dance number – a kinda pumpy, jazzy five step-er with a nice little bump and grind at the end for good measure.
The first thing you notice about Kory is her un-angel-like cheeky wicked smile, quickly followed by her outgoing personality and her boundless (and I do mean boundless) energy. I liked her from the moment we met. You know how you get a good feeling about some people straight away? She is one of those people. She exudes positivity. â€¦â€¦ And if I forgot to mention, she is also very beautiful.
After the shift we hooked up and over the course of that night we got to know each other pretty well, she is a fascinating, forthright and totally loveable woman. We talked about what we each did for a living, she told me about her year-long travel around the world in search of her calling, I told her about my five please-god-take-them-back years. She told me about her gay-marriage-of-convenience husband, I told her of my Great Lost Love.
We covered most of the big stuff. Religion: she – a Mormon turned atheist; me – an altar boy turned atheist. Politics â€“ both lefties. Sheâ€™s a family oriented gal, Iâ€™m a family oriented guy. She-loves kids. I – got â€˜em.
We talked through the night â€“ well, in truth it was mainly me who did the talking, I talk too muchâ€¦ and I was a little amped up.
As dawn approached, Kory told me she had arranged to meet some friends at the Temple, to see in the new day. I would have loved to have joined them, but frankly I was spent. So we arranged to meet later the same day at her next coffee shift. The morning had become chilly so as we parted I gave her my coat and we kissed goodbye. I was thrilled.
Kory got her coffee shift times confused – we missed each other. She spent the next day trying to find her way to my camp to find me, while I spent much of that day at Center Camp trying to find out which shift she was working next. We both failed.
As fate would have it, I signed up for one last coffee shift later in the week. As I was arriving, Kory was leaving â€“ we happily hugged and arranged to meet at Roots â€“ a rave venue, later that nightâ€¦ I gave her my email address â€“ just in case.
Just as well.
Now, Kory, you are about to discover is absolutely astounding at many things; but some things she is not good at â€“ namely: times, locations and estimated numbers in attendance at rave venues.
The club where we were supposed to meet was at exactly the opposite side of the Playa to where she had said it was â€“ for me, this meant an extra half hour cycle across the desert at night without a headlight dodging cyclists and pedestrians in various stages of inebriation to get to a place, which, when I arrived, was crawling with thousands of partying people most of whom were working on some kind of chemical hallucinatory misadventure or another.
My chances of finding Kory? Slim.
Sadly we did not meet up again at Burning Man.
To my delight upon my return home from BM, a pleasant surprise awaited me in my inbox. That fateful night, Kory, realizing we werenâ€™t going to find each other at Roots, came looking for me again! In her own words-
â€œI TRIED to find you! I rode me bike around 7-8 and from F-H….I found a Simon from Portland, but he was 23, pimply and naked. I kept stopping at bars, and after an hour or so started to ride more and more wobbly, so I had to get on an art car. They gave me more alcohol and I lost all sense of direction after that until dusk.â€
Is she not adorable? Talk about commitment to a cause!
The magic of Kory
I think its fair to say Kory and I fancied each other quite a deal. Kory was the first person Iâ€™d been with since splitting up with Jess and I knew from the beginning that she is a very special person. I cant say exactly how she felt but I am more than happy to open this post up so she can put her own â€œtwo-bobs worthâ€ in.
What I can say with certainty is that for two weeks we skyped quite a lot, she talked about coming to Seattle; I, about traveling to California. I read her blog in one night; she read mine (this one).
As the days passed, something curious happened, something quite the opposite to what you might think – our conversation grew more stilted. As more days passed our conversation grew more stilted still.
It got to the point where it became clear that any romantic connection between us wasnâ€™t to be. I recall saying to her at that time that it wasnâ€™t working, that she was becoming distant, that our communication was breaking down – and that maybe, we should just be friends. Kory agreed.
Itâ€™s the single best thing weâ€™ve done for our relationship.
The day after that discussion, we skyped again, immediately it was like back to old times; we needed to take the pressure off each other. Our talk was free flowing and we were smiling and laughing again. Then, Kory, in the middle of an unrelated conversation, remarked that she thought that I wasnâ€™t over Jess. Somewhat taken aback, I told her that I didnâ€™t know, that I needed to think about it overnight.
The next day I unequivocally agreed with her and profusely apologized.
In the conversation that ensued Kory managed to help me understand my feelings towards Jess – that someone special is just that, Jess is my one – the one apart – but you really cant ask of anyone more than they can give…some answers and solutions you just have to find for yourself. Kory suggested ways to reconcile my needs and my responsibilities with those of my childrenâ€™s and my partnerâ€™s. She removed a huge weight from me.
She achieved in a thirty-minute conversation what counselors failed to do after over eighteen months of intensive professional counseling.
The reason why is simple: Kory took the trouble to get to know me and to care. She got to know how to broach subjects with me and how to make me think. questioning me and probing me while simultaneously re-assuring and bolstering me. She lifts me.
I would love to say that Iâ€™m special in this regard, but the truth is that Kory is a generous, caring, wonderful person – a born nurturer, who gives of herself with an open heart and spirit to all people. She is an extraordinary woman with a rare gift. Kory is funny, and lighthearted and quick as a whip. She is truly remarkable and I am privileged to call her my (fabulous) friend.
We talk nearly every day, and I hope that we will do so for many years to come.
Thank you Kory â€“ I treasure you.
See ya on the Playa? Maybe I can get my bloody coat back?