G'day

This is my “return of the prodigal”.

After High School graduation I wanted to do law, journalism or pursue an academic career, I didn’t complete any of those things, I did actually begin a BA at University of Queensland majoring in journalism in 1984. Instead I completed an Assoc Dip of The Arts in Theatre (acting) at the then Kelvin Grove College of Advanced Education in 1988. Years later I went on to attend NIDA (directing) in 1993 – another course I didn’t complete – I left one month prior to graduation in protest against the then Head of Direction at NIDA.

I have started no fewer than 6 companies, two theatre companies and four business entities. Four of which I would consider to have been successful , one of which – enormously financially successful.
So how do I find myself returning to my parents house at the age of 44 after only nine years in the USA, a father of six children, two of whom are biological (I will explain this confusing bit of information in a later post), single, unemployed, behind in child support payments, nearly homeless, penniless and injured. How the fuck did that happen?? – and all in the space of nine years? The truly disastrous occurences in only four short years??

Short answer – I’m still not really sure.

Definitive answer – It doesn’t really matter. I love my kids – and those of my kids who can remember who I am (and I number amongst them my two biological babies) love me too. My remarkable ever loving and supportive family love me – My Mum and Dad, My brother and sister-in-law and their children – my nephew and niece. My fabulous friends have open arms and my beloved homeland although significantly changed still welcomes me. I still have hope and heart and the ability to start again.

I remember the last pope or the bloke before him used to kiss the ground when disembarking from a plane upon arrival in a new country. Nice gesture. Qantas should have those landing stairs attached to the aircraft of every returning international flight reserved for returning ex-pats – that way we could kiss our golden soil – we’d know why we were doing it. There’d be no gesture about it.

My Dad Mum and Brother

Brother, Nephew, Holly the Newf and wide open spaces at Portsea Beach

Coffee at Seven Seeds - we take our coffee seriously

The view of The Yarra Valley from Tarra Warra Winery and Art Gallery

Lunch at Yering Station Winery Yarra Valley

The past ten months has been a particularly challenging time for me. In that time three remarkable women have made a significant and lasting impact in my life . In this three part post I hope to pay a worthy tribute to them and offer them my sincere and heartfelt thanks.

The Story of Kory

Kory at Burning Man

I met Kory while making coffee at Burning Man. She was the choreographer of our shifts dance number – a kinda pumpy, jazzy five step-er with a nice little bump and grind at the end for good measure.
The first thing you notice about Kory is her un-angel-like cheeky wicked smile, quickly followed by her outgoing personality and her boundless (and I do mean boundless) energy. I liked her from the moment we met. You know how you get a good feeling about some people straight away? She is one of those people. She exudes positivity. …… And if I forgot to mention, she is also very beautiful.

After the shift we hooked up and over the course of that night we got to know each other pretty well, she is a fascinating, forthright and totally loveable woman. We talked about what we each did for a living, she told me about her year-long travel around the world in search of her calling, I told her about my five please-god-take-them-back years. She told me about her gay-marriage-of-convenience husband, I told her of my Great Lost Love.

We covered most of the big stuff. Religion: she – a Mormon turned atheist; me – an altar boy turned atheist. Politics – both lefties. She’s a family oriented gal, I’m a family oriented guy. She-loves kids. I – got ‘em.
We talked through the night – well, in truth it was mainly me who did the talking, I talk too much… and I was a little amped up.
As dawn approached, Kory told me she had arranged to meet some friends at the Temple, to see in the new day. I would have loved to have joined them, but frankly I was spent. So we arranged to meet later the same day at her next coffee shift. The morning had become chilly so as we parted I gave her my coat and we kissed goodbye. I was thrilled.

Kory got her coffee shift times confused – we missed each other. She spent the next day trying to find her way to my camp to find me, while I spent much of that day at Center Camp trying to find out which shift she was working next. We both failed.

As fate would have it, I signed up for one last coffee shift later in the week. As I was arriving, Kory was leaving – we happily hugged and arranged to meet at Roots – a rave venue, later that night… I gave her my email address – just in case.

Just as well.

Now, Kory, you are about to discover is absolutely astounding at many things; but some things she is not good at – namely: times, locations and estimated numbers in attendance at rave venues.

The club where we were supposed to meet was at exactly the opposite side of the Playa to where she had said it was – for me, this meant an extra half hour cycle across the desert at night without a headlight dodging cyclists and pedestrians in various stages of inebriation to get to a place, which, when I arrived, was crawling with thousands of partying people most of whom were working on some kind of chemical hallucinatory misadventure or another.

My chances of finding Kory? Slim.

Sadly we did not meet up again at Burning Man.

To my delight upon my return home from BM, a pleasant surprise awaited me in my inbox. That fateful night, Kory, realizing we weren’t going to find each other at Roots, came looking for me again! In her own words-
“I TRIED to find you! I rode me bike around 7-8 and from F-H….I found a Simon from Portland, but he was 23, pimply and naked. I kept stopping at bars, and after an hour or so started to ride more and more wobbly, so I had to get on an art car. They gave me more alcohol and I lost all sense of direction after that until dusk.”

Is she not adorable? Talk about commitment to a cause!

The magic of Kory

I think its fair to say Kory and I fancied each other quite a deal. Kory was the first person I’d been with since splitting up with Jess and I knew from the beginning that she is a very special person. I cant say exactly how she felt but I am more than happy to open this post up so she can put her own “two-bobs worth” in.

What I can say with certainty is that for two weeks we skyped quite a lot, she talked about coming to Seattle; I, about traveling to California. I read her blog in one night; she read mine (this one).

As the days passed, something curious happened, something quite the opposite to what you might think – our conversation grew more stilted. As more days passed our conversation grew more stilted still.
It got to the point where it became clear that any romantic connection between us wasn’t to be. I recall saying to her at that time that it wasn’t working, that she was becoming distant, that our communication was breaking down – and that maybe, we should just be friends. Kory agreed.

It’s the single best thing we’ve done for our relationship.

The day after that discussion, we skyped again, immediately it was like back to old times; we needed to take the pressure off each other. Our talk was free flowing and we were smiling and laughing again. Then, Kory, in the middle of an unrelated conversation, remarked that she thought that I wasn’t over Jess. Somewhat taken aback, I told her that I didn’t know, that I needed to think about it overnight.

The next day I unequivocally agreed with her and profusely apologized.

In the conversation that ensued Kory managed to help me understand my feelings towards Jess – that someone special is just that, Jess is my one – the one apart – but you really cant ask of anyone more than they can give…some answers and solutions you just have to find for yourself. Kory suggested ways to reconcile my needs and my responsibilities with those of my children’s and my partner’s. She removed a huge weight from me.
She achieved in a thirty-minute conversation what counselors failed to do after over eighteen months of intensive professional counseling.
The reason why is simple: Kory took the trouble to get to know me and to care. She got to know how to broach subjects with me and how to make me think. questioning me and probing me while simultaneously re-assuring and bolstering me. She lifts me.

I would love to say that I’m special in this regard, but the truth is that Kory is a generous, caring, wonderful person – a born nurturer, who gives of herself with an open heart and spirit to all people. She is an extraordinary woman with a rare gift. Kory is funny, and lighthearted and quick as a whip. She is truly remarkable and I am privileged to call her my (fabulous) friend.

We talk nearly every day, and I hope that we will do so for many years to come.

Thank you Kory – I treasure you.

See ya on the Playa? Maybe I can get my bloody coat back?

God I hate this – but Im going to be true to myself – Im going to keep all my promises. Especially those Ive made to myself. This is a no-holds barred uncensored biog/ journal/ blog thingy . I think Jess will read this and for once I hope she doesn’t – it’ll all be taken the wrong way…its my luck. But this is how I’m feeling …so here it is

I’ve had a day of excitement and disappointment in turns. I was very happy to reconnect with Jess (albeit in the most elemental way) I bought a beautiful, beautiful bag Jess had made and was selling through her business, it had been a number of weeks and I hadn’t received it so I sent a poorly thought out, brusquely worded email to her company asking what the delay might be. Her email reply was maybe five or six hope-filled sentences. Well, I say hope. Hope from my perspective at least. Turns out I was wrong.

I long to ask her about a thousand questions and imagine a communication that goes something like this –

“Hey you! How is your business going? What made you start it? Who’s your business partner? How did you meet? When did this all come about? Are you happy with its progress? Nervous? Excited by all accounts I’m reading in your blog. Its fantastic! You must be tired?! Starting a business is hard work!

How are the girls? Are they happy at school? Are both the girls spending more time with (ex-husband #2)? I kinda hope so, they need a consistent guy around. I know he loves them.

It must have been great for you to become close again with old friends! I think you missed them more than you knew. Are you getting out more now? I hope so.I don’t want to ask too much of you yet – but it’d be cool if we could all be friends?!

Is your hair still long? Did you end up getting that “misery” tattoo you wanted? I’m getting one too you know… No…. Seriously.

What happened with your last /second-last job? It’s been so long.

How big are the girls now? They must have grown a lot! The boys have. By the way, did the clothes I sent fit the girls? What are the ladies into now? Do they still sing a lot? or dress up? Still princesses?

There’s so much I want to tell you about the boys.

Did you get to swim/ sunbake much this summer? I know you love it! Or maybe fish/camp with the girls and (significant other)?

Did you have to move too many times after leaving your dads place? How’s your family? Your sisters and brother? And your mum and dad of course.

So many boy’s stories to tell you! And stuff about my parents.

You seem so happy doing something you are passionate about – I’m very envious – hold the course!

How is your new relationship? Good, I hope. I kinda sorta tried to start one… but it didn’t work out too well… she’s moving to Colorado. You stayed North, she’s going to Colorado… there’s a pattern here… they’re running further and further away… Im working on scaring the next one to Greenland! (Insert howls of shared laughter here).

Did you finally give up smoking? I did …then relapsed… figures huh? I went on the coolest vacation, I have to tell you about it! Did you get to go to Disneyland? Have you been anywhere exciting?

WOW I forgot! Are you still going to school?? What course are you doing?

I’m thinking of starting another business too – I’m confident it will do well – keep your fingers crossed for me! I’m still hopeful of opening a coffee shop one day too… I’ll make it Fair Trade I promise! Might call it “wankers” … *smiling *. Is your coffee machine still working? Still on the vanilla breves? At 130 right?

So, (youngest girl) is in grade 2 now? Oh wow. We miss them… we miss you all. Very much.

So where do you shop for clothes now? Or do you make all your own clothes?

You happy where you’re living? I’ll be moving soon …don’t know where to yet.

(My ex-wife) still gives me grief … I’ve tried hard to re-connect with her and J and S – but no hope there I’m afraid. You should see J and S , J is a man, and S is a beautiful young woman. At least I get to see them sometimes.

I was hitting the gym really hard until the leg thing happened – Hey, I haven’t told you about my leg! I ruptured my other achilles! Can you believe that shit ?

……….. Hey, no worries! Of course. Its all good….. Great talking with you!… hope we can all catch up… we’d love to see you guys! I’ll give you a call in the next week or two.…………..….?
……………Ok?
………….. GREAT!! …….Take care.
…….Ciao……

HEY!!….. Keep driving that business! ”

It didn’t exactly pan out that way … but it could.

Can’t wait to have that conversation.

If you’re reading this I’d appreciate it if you’d send major good vibes this way – towards this, my hope – its a big one.

Late additions –

Oh shit fuckety fuck fuck Fuck Fuck FUCK…here comes the great big mother bleeding heart me.

Corinne Bailey Rae – I’d Do it All Again

Yeah I know… I know… Ive already used this in another posting . I dont care . Its my blog, and besides its special.

Nina deserves the last word.

Nina Simone – Here Comes the Sun