G'day

I have been passionate about words all my life and more specifically semantics and etymology. I have studied neither academically.Here’s some random thoughts on the subject.

Children and expletives

For a long time I have been the frequent user of expletives, I probably started around 15 or 16 years of age, maybe it was something rebellious, maybe even then I was more concerned in conveying meaning rather than the vehicle through which it was conveyed. Maybe I like to shock, well I do like to shock, anything that moves people out of a comfort zone always appeals to me. I still swear too much, and I say this only because it is so unacceptable here in the US that it may have a deleterious effect on my Reason. I occasionally let go of an “f” bomb or “shit” or, as I have noticed by its occasional usage by my five year old son, the utterance of The Lord’s name in vain or more often His kid.

As all children do, my Reason test me, they will drop a carefully placed expletive (usually in a hushed tone) to gauge my reaction – and this is what they get – the “stare” and a brief but firm warning – “it is not acceptable to say those words in public outside this house – people will think you are not smart, because you don’t know better words to use – and if you say it at school you’re going to get into trouble – do you want that?” Its the most I’m prepared to do. If, however, they use those words to be mean or cruel or use other words that are far more damaging ie “David you are stupid” – that gets an immediate, no-questions-asked time-out. I know they are going to imitate what they experience at home so I’m trying to eliminate all expletives from everyday use, however the point still stands – its not the words, its the intended message that incurs punishment.

From the sublime to the ridiculous

Upon picking up my youngest from his Montessori pre-school last week I was told the owner wanted to talk to me . More trouble.

Owner: Hi its nothing terrible but David used a bad word today.
Simon: Oh dear
Owner: It was very funny actually
Simon: Which word?
Owner: The bad word
Simon: Which word exactly?
Owner: He was picking up blocks and he dropped them (demonstrating – delivered rapidfire) he kept bashing his fist into his forehead “Fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck”
Simon(laughing) : Oh dear, thats me Im afraid.
Owner: It was really funny, but we can’t say that here.
Simon: I understand
Owner: What we do is give them an alternative we get them to stamp their foot – they are usually frustrated
Simon: Great idea
Owner: And get them to say “Im exasperated”
Simon(trying not to laugh) : thats a great idea . I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Youre kidding me! “I’m exasperated” for “fuck”. What are they thinking? He’s three! He’s just started saying monosyllabic sentences.” Exasperated” ain’t gonna fly . I thought about damn – but you cant say that in the US. So I’ve settled on “darn” – its still not the same.. it’s not the same in the mouth, you can’t say it with relish and it doesn’t have the lovely finality of that voiceless velar plosive… but it will have to do.

Adults and words or what the faggots have taught us

“gay” “faggot” “poofter” “queer” “camp” “pillow-biter” “homo” “lemon” “butch” “dyke” – apart from being derogatory euphemisms for being homosexual, what do these words have in common? Thankfully, they’ve largely lost their sting. Why? The gay community have been smart enough to own them, be proud of their labels and even to go so far as to encourage their usage. Homosexuals now proudly wear these words as badges of honor – as they should.

This does not excuse people who still attempt to use them as weapons but it makes their job terribly difficult when their target is wearing a t-shirt that reads “camp” or “queer as hell”.

Wogs in Australia have done the same and I’d encourage all ethnic groups to adopt the same tactics, if it’s a part of you, be proud. I’m talking to all of you chinks, lebbos, abos, and niggers, to all micks, hymies, polacks,camel jockeys and curry munchers take the power back from the fuckers (used entirely derogatorily) who would use these words as weapons against you. Defuse the language of hatred and ignorance.

Noted exceptions

Whoever reads this blog knows my good friend Valerie Foley has a son, Billy, who has autism. I will never say he is autistic. He is not. Autism is a condition he has and I do not believe it is an essential part of who he is, any more than it is to say I am cancerous if I have cancer.To say someone is autistic connotes communicability and misfortune. It is neither; it is a condition not to be pitied or feared but to be understood.

That’s enough from me on the subject….for today

Here’s an interesting article from The Washington Post

Simon

This “blog” began as the story of The Bloke Show – and so it remains. It has evolved into my personal journey, covering aspects of my life – no big deal. What it really is, is a diary. For all I know, mainly because Im technically challenged and cant set up the bloody thing properly, I am the only person reading it – and I don’t care much, its very therapeutic. Im not a self proclaimed anything, Im not an expert in any field – and don’t pretend to be so. A lot of it is my opinion and judging by “the news” I hear everyday on the radio which has precious little to do with news and far more to do with speculation and conjecture and opinion I am now eminently well qualified to speak on any topic for any “news” agency. So from now on lets dump the medium and call it what it is – a diary or if you prefer, the news.

Isn’t time supposed to heal all wounds?

Im sooooo fed up with this. Im done with it. I split up with She Who Is Unmentionable (SWIU) some time ago. I have a serious residual issue. My Reason . Oh my God…. my Reason.

SWIU and I had an off and on again relationship for three years, mostly on, during which time she was the second mother to my Reason. As I had my Reason every weekend then, it was impossible for me to separate the relationships, not that I would do that anyway – it was a serious monogamous relationship…and she was fantastic with them, she was their mother and they her children – I thought they loved each other. I say thought; I know my reason love her and her girls, but I cant believe she loved them, how could you put children through this? When SWIU finally decided to call it quits, she ceased communication with me and my reason altogether. No goodbye, nothing. One week she’s their mom; the next week gone. One week they had two sisters, the next week none. How could she let it end without saying goodbye?

When we first broke-up I pleaded with SWIU for us to get together to explain the situation to all the kids – no reply. Luckily I did manage to talk to the girls before we parted to tell them how much I love them no matter if we saw each other or not, and that the breakup wasn’t anyone’s fault and it certainly wasn’t their fault. Since then I have attempted to remain friends with SWIU – no chance.

At around the same time as we separated my eldest reason began to occasionally wet himself – he was waaaay past that stage, he never even had accidents. We still dont know whether this is physiological or psychological – its an ongoing issue.

ONE AND A HALF YEARS since they’ve seen each other my eldest reason still asks about them – he is not even six yet. “I miss (SWIU and girls) can we see them?” I cant imagine what it must be like for the guardians of children who have lost parent(s)/sibling(s). I have explained to him that we probably wont see them again- “… we might see them again one day , we hope so… but its not very likely and probably not for a long time I miss them too and I’m sure they miss us …but some things cant be helped. Dont count on seeing them for a long time.”

I have tried explaining it to my reason ( its an adult thing – it has nothing to do with you; its not your fault.) Ive tried making excuses for them (they live a long long way away). Ive tried exploring their feelings (both directly and indirectly questioning). Ive tried getting them to show their feelings through coloring, drawing faces, pulling faces, simply telling me – with no lasting resolution.

It frustrates me, I have paralyzing guilt about it and it makes me cry for him – my eldest in particular, he is much like me and certainly as sensitive, my youngest was young enough to have bounced back. I wonder about the girls too – do they remember us? I’ve written offering solutions that dont include seeing me – so SWIU could see the kids and our kids could play together , if her new partner has kids they could all play and become friends – no reply. Lets demonstrate that it is possible to break up and maintain a healthy caring relationship, its a healthy model for them to follow – no reply.

It is great for all children to be loved – by lots of people. I don’t know if my ex-wife is seeing someone seriously but if she were and he looks after my reason and grows to love them – and they him , fantastic. More people to love them and look out for them. I’m all for it.

I don’t understand any of this and why SWIU wont at least say goodbye to my boys and have our kids say goodbye to each other, it at least gives them some closure , its important. Is it too late now or not? Not for my eldest anyway. One thing’s for sure we could have avoided much of this. It’s the one thing I’m angry about, the only thing. I don’t care what adults do to each other they’re adults but leave the kids out of this – lets make it as easy on them as we can. Loving them and protecting them – aren’t they two fundamental qualities of a good parent?

Simon

Todays post comes from another blog – jumpontherollercoaster, it is written by my good friend Valerie Foley and it is a record of her family life with particular reference to her son Billy who has autism. It is an excellent blog which is both edifying and uplifting – I have never met Billy, but I love him to bits, I’ve got a tenner says you will too.When I wrote to Valerie to ask permission to include excerpts from her blog in The Bloke Show’s, I commented how trivial ours seems. Heres some lessons from Valerie and Billy please consider following their blog – its time well spent.

Things autism has taught me…

They occur to me all the time, and I think I should start writing them down.

1. A person is not the sum of what they are able to communicate to me

It strikes me all the time that Billy is so much more than what people see. We get so used to judging people by what they tell us or show us. And Billy probably shows the rest of the world around 10% of what he’s got on any given day. Maybe even less. Some days he doesn’t talk. Some days he doesn’t even look. Some days he is a charming chatterbox. Some days he is Animal Planet stuck on repeat.

So, if were not familiar with autism, and you met him for the first time on a mute day? You’d probably think, ‘Man, that kid’s pretty limited/quiet/dumb/whatever’… without realising that he’s got a huge amount more going on in there.

So, beyond ASD, I really should remember that. People are not just what I see them being, or hear them being, or am told they are.

2. Animals are not just good for postcards with captions

Non-verbal communicating entities are awesome. They take the pressure for understanding away. They open the doors for genuine reciprocated communication. They just don’t use words, which is great, because words coupled with facial expressions, body movements and social context are really confusing.

If you don’t believe me, have a chat to a dog… they truly don’t care what you are saying, they’re generally just happy to listen. It makes you feel good. It makes you relax.

3. The world is really loud

It is. It really is. We know this because sometimes it’s just not possible to make Billy calm. Because… the world is too loud.

Here are some thing that are loud, that I never thought about:
– the kettle boiling first thing in the morning
– an owl hooting, especially if it’s a recorded part of a soundtrack
– xylophones and chime bars in backing music
– crackling, scrunching plastic bags

All big surprises to me.

That’s it for now. Like famous people dying, these things tend to come in threes.

Link – jumpontherollercoaster

Tears are streaming down my face, Ive just watched the video of Dame Edna Everage’s interview with Martin Sheen , it features one of those moments when something unexpected and wondrous happens. Comic genius unleashed because the performer has immersed themselves in the character. It is the character that informs Barry Humphries’ (Edna’s alter ego) decision to make a bold and really unacceptable response to a crowd reaction. Then a strange thought struck me – how must Barry Humphries feel? He knows hes done something extraordinary – Martin Sheen is laughing hard.
Mister Humphries actually applies the rule of threes in reverse. The rule of threes states that you can repeat a gag three times with the goal of the laughter increasing (twice works fine; four doesn’t, its a universal mystery). In this case Barry Humphries actually settles the audience with two funny but less humourous quips to redirect the conversation – notice after the “higher learning” comment he redirects the conversation with a question that introduces a new topic, keeping the conversational tone rolling along , quite masterful.

What is the motivation for the comedian? At that magical moment they wield a tremendously potent power over the audience and in this case the interviewee yet they also share in the rapture of the moment. So which is it? The power or the rapture? It doesn’t matter much, but it’s an interesting question.

Ive been writing so much comedy stuff at the moment I’m really contemplating giving stand-up a go – its one of my great fears and something I really ought to tackle. It’s not as though I haven’t died onstage before, every performer has. Its the isolation of doing stand-up that is terrifying; being out there on your own, sink or swim, nobody is going to save you if youre drowning. I’m not committing to this but I think the chances are very good that I’m going to try it at an open mic in Seattle maybe? I’ve put myself down on paper now so I’m half way there. I’ll let you know how I go, I might even get somebody else who is present to write that post , its good to get a third-party’s response.

Im starting a new audience building campaign for The Bloke Show which I will let you know more about in the coming days… right now its 4:37am and I cant keep my eyes open.

Goodnight,

Simon

Oh gawd heres another wonderful Dame Edna put down – just for the hell of it. You cant get much more succinct than “wha?”

I’ve added to this post twice now – I just cant help it – another lesson from The Dame push those boundaries – this one is completely and marvelously tasteless.