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It’s been one week since my ignominious return to Aus. I have been welcomed by my friends, old and new, with open arms. There really is no place like home. Between the last sentence and the title of this post I’m really mixing my movie musical metaphors huh? Oh well, nothing new there, (neither is the unintentional alliteration). My huge thanks to all who’ve welcomed me so warmly – I can’t wait to see you all.
Back to TBS business (ba-ha-ha-ha). I had a great conversation with Pete Marshall last night and we have decided to put together a largely improvised series using the TBS youtube channel. Pete wants to impro as much as possible which is awesome, so I’m busy writing basic outlines to contextualize(?) each episode/scene. I haven’t acted for about 10 years so this should be interesting. Between Maitland (Petes’ son) who’s an artist and top bloke in his own right, who will be our camera/lighting/editor/pretty much everything else and anyone Paul Malane, another old friend who worked as a production manager (mid90s to mid 2000s) in the Australian Film Industry, can drag up to do some free work for us, we are finally going to have some product. I’m hoping Stevie Ross (another erstwhile actor friend) who is now a an international copyright lawyer can help us out too. Both Pete and I are keen to get cameo performances from faces we used to work with in the old days – mid 80s to mid 90s in Brissie.
If nothing else it should be an absolute 100% blast. Yee-Hah! Off we go, haven’t been this happy (except when I’m with my boys) for years.
Wish us well… updates should be fairly frequent from now on.
PS Dont forget to look out for Wilfred starting June 23 on FX in the US and Eleven in Australia. Jason Gann is one funny dude and it should be an excellent series! And on BBC3 in the UK . Go Jace! Oh… and that Woods bloke.
Well, my house was sold on the 6th and I had 20 days to get out before some big guys from the University Place Sherrifs Dept. came to introduce me to my new tarmac-lined home. Thank goodness for my bro who has bailed me out… I’m headed for Australia in 15 hours. Two months in Aus to hopefully make some money and come back to my boys.
The process of packing and leaving this place for the last time has been monstrously difficult. Memories line the walls and my hopes were for so long in the heart of it. Every old toy of the boy’s I picked up, a little girl’s bike and pink play stroller, reminders of the passing of time, little daggers in the soul.
Leaving my boys is always the very hardest thing to do. I’m hoping to maintain my composure and be strong for them. I will miss them as I do all my loved ones. But especially my two men.
Still battling. Still hopeful. Still believe in the enduring qualities of love and determination.
A lotta people ask me if there’s any diff’rences between Strine and the way ‘mericans talk. Well the short answer is yes, we make sense.
And youse blokes’ don’t know what yer on about ‘alf the time. But fer the sake of keepin’ the peace – ‘ere’s a few quick tips so you can understand us. (God knows why, ’cause we’re not eva gunna understand you).
Strine
Righto, for those who don’t know, the official language spoken in Striya is Strine. Or Strine English if ya want.
Names
In Striya, it’s very important to have a name everyone can understand and remember.
Two quick rules to help ya with this. Rule number one: if yer name has more than one syllable its too long; make it one syllable and add either an ‘ee’ sound or an ‘oh’ sound to the end.
Rule number two: if yer name has one syllable add an “ee” or an “oh” onto it anyhow.
Common names: Davo, Pete-ee, Becco, Benji, Tommo, Craig-ee, Robbo. You’ve got the idea.
Nicknames
Nicknames are very popular in Striya. Striyans ‘ave a very sophisticated sense of oirony when it comes to nicknames. If yer a li’l overweight yer’ll be called ‘skinny’; conversely if yer a beanpole yer’ll be called ‘chubby’ or ‘muscles’…. Fuck’n funny hey?
If yer a redhead yer’ll be called ‘bluey’. If yer an academic: ‘dumbo’ (or if yer got li’l ears). If yer a big bloke yer’ll be called ‘tiny’, if yer a slow-movin, lumberin’ giant – ‘speedy’.
We like our ‘e’s’ ‘an ‘o’s’ hey?
So sort yer name out and prepare for yer nickname they’re the first things ta do. Nicknames like ‘Mr. Clean’ and ‘Chef’ are names to avoid cause noone’ll be comin ’round to your place for dinner, or fer anythin’ else fer that matter.
Strine – the laid back language
The way to truly speak with a Strine accent is to make as little effort while talkin’ as possible. Most Stryians don’t use their tongue, jaw or lips at all when they’re speakin’. Its why ventriloquist acts don’t go down too well in Striya – its very hard to tell who’s the ventriloquist an’ who’s the dummy. More than once a grateful audience member has offered a beer to the dummy for a fantastic show.
Next – neva, eva, eva put an ‘er’ on the end of a word. Use an ‘a’ sound (as in cat) instead. An’ there’s no letter ‘t’, its a ‘d’ in disguise. So: its not better; its bedda. Its not beauty; its bewdy. Its not wanker; its wanka – (usually with the prefix he’safuck’n).
The hard ‘i’ (eye) sound is always said ‘oi’ and the hard ‘a’ (ay) sound always sounds like the hard ‘i’ (eye) sound. Confused yet?
Neva say the letter ‘t’ or ‘g’ (when seen in the suffix ‘ing’) at the end of a word or ‘th’ or the letter ‘h’ at the start of a word – jus’ drop ’em off. Except, an’ this is an important exception, the word ‘herb’ which is said as it is spelled – because its bloody common sense.
We also like the word “forward”; its a good strong word. And we are partial to canned laughter with our comedy… its just who we are.
Righto, to re-cap – when it comes ta speakin’, think Nun’s kiss – nun jaw, nun lips, nun tongue. That might help. The words should flow out.
‘Eres an exercise that’ll sort ya out : fill yer mouth with water then say this phrase three times while tryin’ to fill a glass with the water from yer mouth – ” Oi don’t ‘eye’t ‘im, Oi loik ‘im, but ‘es abituvafuck’n wanka”.
If yer doin’ it right the water should cascade evenly from your mouth gushing forth without sputtering or physical interruption of any kind. This may take some practice for the uninitiated.
If ya want the exemplar for talkin’ Strine, no need to go past our own PM whose talkin’ is utter perfection.
Til next time – keep practicin’ ! I’ll leave ya with some bewdaful voicework from our own inimitable PM Julia Gillard.
Talkin’ Strine
A lotta people ask me if there’s any diff’rences between Strine and the way ‘mericans talk. Well the short answer is yes, we make sense.
And youse blokes’ don’t know what yer on about ‘alf the time. But fer the sake of keepin’ the peace – ‘ere’s a few quick tips so you can understand us. (God knows why, ’cause we’re not eva gunna understand you).
Strine
Righto, for those who don’t know, the official language spoken in Striya is Strine. Or Strine English if ya want.
Names
In Striya, it’s very important to have a name everyone can understand and remember.
Two quick rules to help ya with this. Rule number one: if yer name has more than one syllable its too long; make it one syllable and add either an ‘ee’ sound or an ‘oh’ sound to the end.
Rule number two: if yer name has one syllable add an “ee” or an “oh” onto it anyhow.
Common names: Davo, Pete-ee, Becco, Benji, Tommo, Craig-ee, Robbo. You’ve got the idea.
Nicknames
Nicknames are very popular in Striya. Striyans ‘ave a very sophisticated sense of oirony when it comes to nicknames. If yer a li’l overweight yer’ll be called ‘skinny’; conversely if yer a beanpole yer’ll be called ‘chubby’ or ‘muscles’…. Fuck’n funny hey?
If yer a redhead yer’ll be called ‘bluey’. If yer an academic: ‘dumbo’ (or if yer got li’l ears). If yer a big bloke yer’ll be called ‘tiny’, if yer a slow-movin, lumberin’ giant – ‘speedy’.
We like our ‘e’s’ ‘an ‘o’s’ hey?
So sort yer name out and prepare for yer nickname they’re the first things ta do. Nicknames like ‘Mr. Clean’ and ‘Chef’ are names to avoid cause noone’ll be comin ’round to your place for dinner, or fer anythin’ else fer that matter.
Strine – the laid back language
The way to truly speak with a Strine accent is to make as little effort while talkin’ as possible. Most Stryians don’t use their tongue, jaw or lips at all when they’re speakin’. Its why ventriloquist acts don’t go down too well in Striya – its very hard to tell who’s the ventriloquist an’ who’s the dummy. More than once a grateful audience member has offered a beer to the dummy for a fantastic show.
Next – neva, eva, eva put an ‘er’ on the end of a word. Use an ‘a’ sound (as in cat) instead. An’ there’s no letter ‘t’, its a ‘d’ in disguise. So: its not better; its bedda. Its not beauty; its bewdy. Its not wanker; its wanka – (usually with the prefix he’safuck’n).
The hard ‘i’ (eye) sound is always said ‘oi’ and the hard ‘a’ (ay) sound always sounds like the hard ‘i’ (eye) sound. Confused yet?
Neva say the letter ‘t’ or ‘g’ (when seen in the suffix ‘ing’) at the end of a word or ‘th’ or the letter ‘h’ at the start of a word – jus’ drop ’em off. Except, an’ this is an important exception, the word ‘herb’ which is said as it is spelled – because its bloody common sense.
We also like the word “forward”; its a good strong word. And we are partial to canned laughter with our comedy… its just who we are.
Righto, to re-cap – when it comes ta speakin’, think Nun’s kiss – nun jaw, nun lips, nun tongue. That might help. The words should flow out.
‘Eres an exercise that’ll sort ya out : fill yer mouth with water then say this phrase three times while tryin’ to fill a glass with the water from yer mouth – ” Oi don’t ‘eye’t ‘im, Oi loik ‘im, but ‘es abituvafuck’n wanka”.
If yer doin’ it right the water should cascade evenly from your mouth gushing forth without sputtering or physical interruption of any kind. This may take some practice for the uninitiated.
If ya want the exemplar for talkin’ Strine, no need to go past our own PM whose talkin’ is utter perfection.
Til next time – keep practicin’ ! I’ll leave ya with some bewdaful voicework from our own inimitable PM Julia Gillard.
NEXT LESSON – STRINE ETIQUETTE
SIMONS PRIME MINISTERIAL EGG